thankful...

It seems apropos, in the wake of Sandy, to begin the month of November with a few words on things for which I am thankful. We are on day 5 with no power, no hot water, but we were fortunate enough to get one of the last generators at Lowe’s on Monday morning. Being able to watch the news and see the devastation this storm caused our area is sobering to say the least.

(photos by our friend Jennie of the marina where their boat was docked.)

(the house directly behind ours across the street.)

We have a roof on our house, no water damage, our gas tanks are full and everyone is safe and well. That is so much more than can be said about so many. We’ve been out to dinner at the same restaurant for the last 3 nights in a row; bellies full of hot, yummy food and cold, yummy beer don’t leave me with much to complain about when you consider how many of our neighbors are lined up right now at shelters just trying to get a hot meal.

Ben slept peacefully last night, curled up next to me, snug as a bug under 3 soft, squishy blankets….there’s a mother out there who had to sleep last night with the news that they found the bodies of her two babies that were washed away in the storm surge when she was trying to protect them by putting them on the roof of her car. The magnitude of this catastrophe is unfathomable to me as I sit safe and sound in my dark house, curled up under a blanket with my baby, reading books by candle light, eating Halloween candy and killing a bottle of Kettle with my husband because what else do you do during hurricanes but drink and eat non-perishables?

Well, you count your blessings.

Today, I am thankful.

31 days of thankful, days 6-10

6.
I am thankful for my Aunt Marylou and my Aunt Denise. They are my mom’s sisters and when I am with either of them, it is the closest I get to being with my mom again. the look like her, they sound like her, they talk like her, they have the same mannerisms and most importantly, they love like she did. They love me, they love Scott and they love Ben, and even though Benny will never know his Grandma Harriet, getting to know the two of them will bring him closer, and for that, I am more thankful than I could ever figure out how to say.

7.
 I am thankful for my daisygirl. I miss her blond fur and her stinky breath and the way she would wake me up in the morning with my sock in her mouth, wagging her whole body and whining.

8.
 I am thankful for my love of food. I know some people think it’s better to eat to live than to live to eat, but I can’t imagine what my life would be like if I didn’t find pleasure in food and joy in cooking and wasn’t creatively inspired on a trip to whole foods. What a bore. I love everything about food, the taste, the smell, the texture, the process, the art. I love how it brings people together and nourishes us, how it comforts us when we’re sad, or lonely or homesick. How it brings back memories and connects us to our past like nothing else can. I could do without the havoc it wreaks on my thighs, but it’s delicious, and I am thankful that I appreciate it.

9.
I am thankful for wine. Need I say more? puligny montrachet, mostly, but I’m not too proud. Give me a cheapy bottle of barefoot cab, and I’ll still be your best friend.

10.
 I am thankful for this blog and the beautiful people I have met because I decided to start writing it. I'm also thankful for the beautiful people who hardly know i exist, whose blogs i read and am touched by every day. The blogging community amazes me and I feel lucky to have stumbled upon it, lucky to find inspiration in it, honored to read the stories and see the pictures of so many beautiful and creative people who also share their lives on this here little internet thingy.

31 days of thankful, days 1-5

1.

 I am thankful for my little boy, my miracle baby of superman strength who fought to be mine against all odds and who is, without question, the reason I was born. I am thankful for him with an immensity that defies words. He is every beat of my heart and I am brought to my knees with humility that I am lucky enough to call him mine.

2.

 I am thankful for my husband, my partner in crime, who makes me laugh, and makes me think and holds me up when I am completely unable to hold myself, and who, for whatever unknown reason, continues to love me through my insanity, and depression, and thanklessness and self pity. He still loves me. and when we dance in the kitchen and he looks down at me, ragged and broken with unplucked eyebrows and disheveled hair, and gives me a kiss and calls me his bear, and looks at me with hearts in his eyes, I cry, because he deserves so much better than me, but also because I am so thankful that he decides every day that it’s me he wants to dance with in the kitchen.

3. 

 I am thankful for every single second of the 32 years I was blessed enough to spend on this earth with my mom. She was the love of my heart and the yin to my yang and I will never feel whole again, but in a strange way, I am ok with that because that missing piece of me is just her shape and size (which would be tiny and perfect with curly hair and the most perfect nose you’ve ever seen) and, like a tattoo, I wear it with pride that she was mine. She was my whole world.

4.

I am thankful for my daddy. I wish he wasn’t so sad. I wish there was something I could do to save him and make him happy again, take away his troubles and make him feel some light. It breaks my heart deeper than anything. I wish he knew how very much I love him and I wish that simply knowing that would make him happy again.

5.

I am thankful for my best friend. I am so lucky that I was given a sister, so beautiful and selfless, generous and loving, who has stood by my side for all of this time. and I am so thankful that she married such a good man, who loves her with all of his heart and who can hug her for me when I am too far away to do it myself, even if he leaves his underpants in the bathroom sink.