The 7 day soup diet

 

Yes people, I’ve done flipped my lid.   I know you’ve all heard the urban legend of this Cabbage Soup Diet, haven’t you? It is sheer absurdity, and as well you know, Absurdity is my middle name so last week, when I had a small scale meltdown over my outfit for Saturday & decided I hated the VS jeans I got cuz they were “too distressed” and that I wanted to make my life a living hell wear something a little more elegant while remaining somewhat urban chic (wtf?), I chugged a bottle of wine, sobbed my way around the internet and ended up buying a pair of Gap “forever straight” jeans, sight unseen, fingers and toes crossed.   Why do I do this to myself? Every single time. It’s exhausting.   So, whilst waiting for these jeans to arrive and lamenting to any dear friend who would listen, my girl Andi stepped up to the plate and offered to mail me some of her Big Star jeans all the way from Denver….never one to scoff at options, I pretty much begged her to hightail it to the post office. And she did. Cuz my true friends in life, they feed my delusions. Love you Andipants!!   Except then? A sort of tragic thing happened….Friday night rolled around, and I drank another bottle of wine (don’t judge me.) and then at like 10:00, I said to Scott “you know what sounds good? PIZZA!” and he was all “you wanna get one??” and this was after we already ate sushi for dinner like 4 hours earlier, mind you, but the bottle of wine in me said HELLS TO THE YES and then it was done. And we demolished an entire pizza except for one sad little slice. And it was the best pizza I ever ate. Until the next day, when all 3 pairs of jeans arrived in the mail and I wanted to kill myself.    Needless to say, it was a disaster and I realized that drastic times call for drastic measures so I headed to the wine store supermarket and spent about $76 on basically nothing but raw vegetables. And I spent the rest of my wild and wooly Saturday night drinking more wine and whipping up a batch of The Solution To All The World’s problems….   I'm doing this version. Today is Day 4. Bananas and skim milk. And soup, of course. Always with the soup.   Would you believe me if I told you I haven’t cheated once?? Good, cuz I’d be lying if I said that. I have no will power when it comes to goldfish crackers. Goldfish are my kryptonite. But besides a small, daily cracker binge, I’ve been on the straight and narrow! And…….hold on to the wall….I’m gonna say it….I actually feel incredible! I know. I hate admitting it as much as you hate reading it, but it’s the truth. I feel lighter, my pants aren’t stabbing me, I feel rested and energetic….dammit all to hell, who is this person? I don’t know if it’s due to the wine strike (horrors.) or all the freakin’ vegetation I am consuming, but whatever it is, it’s working for me…..not enough to forgo the wine this weekend though…ohhhh no. Don’t worry your pretty little faces about that… I will be Instagramming this mess, sloshed, from my padded cell. Promise.   So, this silly Cabbage Soup Diet gets a big thumbs up from me. What gets a big thumbs down is my perpetual Post Event Panic over any and every minute detail that nobody will notice but me, especially in the dark.   Currently stressing over:  

• Do I really think I am going to be able to clip in and style my own extensions without looking like a crack whore?
• My spike necklace is too long and gets lost in my cleavage but I don’t have a shorter chain for it... 
• What color am I going to paint my nails?
• Which one of these two rings should I wear? Not both, because obviously. But are either of them right? gah!

circle necklace here   :   spike necklace here  :  rings from old navy (!)

• I ordered this gorgeous top yesterday….isn’t it amazing? But will it arrive in time? With my luck, it will show up on Monday. Or Saturday at 4:32, two minutes after we leave to get the train. One thing is, I’ve been emailing with their customer service trying to get the shipping upgraded and they are so amazing to work with….doesn’t mean my top’s going to come in time, but does mean at least I’m smiling about it. Through the tears.

• What if, even after 7 days of nothing but vegetables, bananas, skim milk and soup that tastes like lava, the jeans still give me a gross muffin top?

Call the whole thing off!

(Pass me the Cabernet…)

just a lil somethin' somethin' quick...ornament swap!

I already know, ok? Ornaments. It's freakin' October. My head is spinning. But this was just too cute to pass up you guys! And I am all about festive, flouncy, fluffy, glittery, fabulous ornaments....   So here is the deal....Erin & Jessah are hosting this too fun to miss Ornament Swap and when I heard about it, I was all OH HECK YES. What I need all of you to do is go sign up if you haven't already cuz we are gonna have a BALL....hahahah.....get it? A ball? Like as in ornaments.....i die. Moving on...I love a good swap. I don't do them nearly enough because truth be told, I am an utter wreck at getting to the post office, and I hate the thought of signing up and then stressing out trying to get my gift out on time, but as I mentioned, I am committed this time, dammit......   Alls I'm sayin' is, if you don't join the party, you's 'a gonna be sorry. So hop on over to one of these lovely ladies' blogs and get yer name on the list and stop being all Scrooge McDuck.....it may only be October, but Santa will be here before you know it.....    

Also, post of substance coming soon, guys, I really do promise. The thing is, I am a ball of stress and have to-do, to-buy and to-figure-out lists coming out my a$$ right now. I haven't mentioned it lately cuz I'm sort of in denial, but I'm going to this event next-flippin-weekend and am actually probably maybe hopefully going to be face to face with my imaginary lovah....

oh. hi, Boo. Why in the name of all the is holy must you be so freakin' adorbs? I love you. Also, please give me a bite of that.

the taco, people. the taco. jeez.

SO anyway, I probably am not going to be able to speak, or else I'll spend the whole night hiding from him and too nervous to eat which is way lame since this is a FOOD event...blah blah blah....I haven't posted much cuz I am insane in the membrane these days trying to get my outfit figured out, making & getting to hair appointments, watching an endless stream of tutorials on you tube about how to style & clip in my freaky-deaky long extensions, pondering whether or not to wear fake eyelashes lest I might look like a hooker, which I obviously want to avoid.....all of this when I already know I am going to end up standing in front of him all.....mute. That's real cool.

I'm such a creep. So pray for me, would ya? And be patient. My sanity is bound to return sooner or later.

In the meantime, sing up for the Ornament Swap, k?

kisses!

 

To Whom it May Concern...

It’s Friday. I don’t know about you guys, but I’m so glad about that that I could probably do a cartwheel…

no….

scratch that.

I definitely could NOT do a cartwheel…but I feel like I could. Friday just has that effect on me. anywhooz, it’s been a downright bizarre week ‘round here and I’m more than happy to see it go…good riddance...don't let the door hit ya in the ass on the way out, ya hear??

So join me and Ashley and the rest of the gang in welcoming this glorious day with the coolest linkup….Friday's Letters...

Dear Wine…

I am quitting you. I know I keep saying that and it’s all been lies up to this point but right now, I am serious. You sit there on the counter, calling my name and then one glass turns into six three and next thing you know, I’ve blown my points for the day and am drunk tweeting nonsense to Justin Timberlake. No more. We are breaking up.

Dear Michele…

I can’t wait to see you tonight, homie! Although, now that I broke up with wine, I’m not sure what we’re going to do. Maybe I’ll save the big breakup for tomorrow…..besides, tonight? We celebrate! Happy 25^th birthday, bish!

look how pretty she is....happy birthday, my friend!

Dear Benny…

I booked Sesame Place for us today, baby! We are going to have an outrageously good time and I can’t wait to see your sweet face at Breakfast With Elmo and when you meet Cookie Monster for the first time. I love you so much, munchkin. You are the light of my life.

Dear Adam Richman…

Thanks for the sandwich porn on Wednesday nights, boo…you really know how to torture a girl with things that are totally off limits and out of reach. I guess I can’t really blame you. I’m the one who keeps coming back for more.

Don’t stop.

And last but not least…

Dear Friday’s Letters…

I really love this link up. sorry I suck so hard this week. I blame my girl Sami for the foggy head wine flu….I couldn’t let her drink alone last night :)

thursday's brain vomit

That's a pretty gross title. maybe I should change it?

Warning people….I have a lot of browser windows open right now…I’m reading blogs, doing work, entering contests to win this GORGEOUS chunky gold chain bracelet from Taylor Morgan Design, that Elisabeth is giving away over at her blog La Vita e Bella...I'm leaving comments, procrastinating answering emails, brainstorming upcoming blog posts, weekend plans, dress ideas for wedding season,  toddler dinners….my brain feels ultra caffeinated, but in that strung out, crackhead way, not in the productive sort of kicking ass and taking names way. It’s exhausting.

So forgive if this is all over the map, k? cuz I think somebody slipped some pop rocks in my lean cuisine or something.

That doesn’t even make any sense.

Also? Lean Cuisines? Vom.

Source: someecards.com via Rachel on Pinterest

Hey, if you guys follow me on the twitters? Sorry for the major flood of sandwich texts last night. I've mentioned my crush on Adam Richman, and he was live tweeting last night during the first episode of his new show, and I was feeling saucy and trying to get a little twit-enntion (just made that up. like?) to no avail, so yeah….sorry. I am obviously a loser. That’s ok. I was just using him for the food porn anyway.

(just kidding Adam. You know I still want to share spaghetti with you like Lady & The Tramp. I'm just trying to look cool and aloof on my blog.)

I have to talk to you guys about my hair dryer drama. Is anybody even interested? Because it is pretty aggravating, and I am trying to stay away from the bitching on this here blog, but man oh man….so stay tuned for that. I know. You are panting with anticipation.

Escuchame! I also need to break down the latest with my Weight Watchers adventure.

Sigh.

It’s not the prettiest. I need to get my ass back on that elusive wagon. I am quitting my old gym this weekend, joining a closer gym and working hard on my list of excuses motivation. But I’ll save the gory details for another day….right now? I think I need to just have a cup of tea and do some deep breathing or something.

Peace out, sprouts.

friday faves

Hey all! It's Friday! And not a moment too soon right? Was this was the longest short week ever??....we all really, reeeally need to start a movement to get the work week to be 4 days every week....anyway, besides all that, and since you probably won't even see this till Monday (ugh....Monday....that is such an ugly word on Friday night...) because it's almost 9 on Friday night cuz I was trying to write this all the damn day and between people who don't know how to STFU and grabby, sweet baby hands, it honestly took me upwards of 14 hours to put this together...the 14 hour blog post. It's true.

BUT....when I saw Lindsey's link up, I knew I had to play along. I have been feeling so craptastic lately, and it was really awesome to see all of these bloggers, posting the positive, spereading the joy and sharing all of their favorite things.....

So here I am....and here are my Faves for Friday.....

My Favorite Little Brother

His 21st birthday is next week and my heart hurts that I can’t be there to give him a hug and a kiss, buy him a drink and tell him how very, very lucky I am that he is mine. He is the most amazing kid….thoughtful and smart, handsome and charming. He grew up so fast and I am so proud of him, every day. I love you, Kellen. Happy Birthday, little bro!

My Favorite Thing I Ate

This out of this world, Avocado & Watermelon Relish/Salad thing I invented the other night to go over grilled chicken…or shrimp…or just to get poured directly into your face because it is just THAT good….it couldn’t be easier either…it’s just avocado, watermelon, lemon juice, red onion, cilantro and a pinch of salt. Seriously, it took 4 minutes to throw together. This is going to be my summer staple. It is AMAZEBALLS.

My Favorite Organizational Project

Organizing my Pinterest boards…holy crap people. When did they get so out of control? It is an overwhelming endeavor, but I’d rather do this than clean bathroom grout or something so I guess it’s all good.

My Favorite Prezzie I Got For Myself

These totally adorable Steve Madden sandals! My gold gladiators are held together right now pretty much by scotch tape and staples and I needed a new, summery pair of sandals stat…I found these on zappos yesterday (LOVE zappos, BTW) and they were calling my name. They came this morning (!!!) and they are super comfy and the color is just fantastic. I can’t wait to wear them.

My Favorite “New” Boyfriend

Adam Richman….girls, I love him. I don’t know what it is, ok? His new show, "Adam Richman’s Best Sandwich in America”  is starting next Wednesday and to say I am counting the minutes is an understatement. I love him. Oh. I already said that.....

My Favorite Weekend Plan

Gettin' this scrungy, played gel mani soaked off - finally- yes, i know. So I'm marching right in to Nail & Relaxation Spa (do nail places where you live have crazy names? They kill me here!) with these peeling, jacked up nails and marching out wearing my favorite polish of all time, OPI "Tickle My Francey". I can't wait.

so there you have it peeps....in the 11th hour....my faves for the first ever link up of Lindsey's Friday Faves. I love this link up and I'm pretty sure I'll keep coming back for more...focus on the love!