I know you’ve all been on the edge of your seats waiting to hear how the Weight Watchers journey is going…knowing me, as you do by now, you might expect me to be all “this blows, my life sucks, I’m gonna go eat a bucket of chocolate covered worms” and honestly, I kind of am feeling a little bit like that, as usual, but I’m holding back! Especially on the chocolate covered worms part….cuz, you know, they probably have too many points. :::eye roll:::
Ay-yi-yi….what has become of me? I resisted for so long. I used to be able to do this on my own and I am still not convinced that an organized, meetings based, point counting scenario is that much better than anything I ever did before during the times I was successful, but there are two things I AM sure of…
This time, for whatever reason, I needed accountability to be my motivation. Most things for me always have been (and still are, shamefully) a lot about appearance….what this journey should be about, is health, but I never claimed to be mature. That said, and not having anything in the future to “look forward to” (thanks for that outlook, Depression. Very helpful!), I couldn’t dig up any motivation to do this on my own. For what? Lowering my risk of diabetes, heart disease and cancer? Living a longer, healthier life to spend with my son? Being able to run that half marathon I keep daydreaming about? meh. Pass the Ruffles. But accountability? Actually having to face that number on the scale, and a room full of people, and a judgemental, caffeinated meeting leader, and oh yeah, MYSELF for the first time in forever? The very real threat of SHAME? I’m in.
The other thing is that……wait for it….I don’t hate this as much as I thought I was going to!
I’ll give you a second to pick yourself up off the floor. I know. I know. it shocked the hell out of me too….but you know, getting up early on Sunday morning to face the music and then sit in a room with a bunch of other fatties who aren’t judging me (and I call us fatties in the most loving way) is comforting. All of the sudden, I don’t feel like I deserve to be run over with the Twinkie truck….instead, I feel like I deserve a hug….a hug, and maybe also one of those sample bags of Weight Watchers Popped BBQ Potato Crisps they hand out. Those aren’t half bad!
There are things I still need to work on. I have a mental block about letting myself eat all of my points. I don’t think I will ever let go of that. I’m not torturing myself. I always hit the daily minimum of 26, but most days I don’t go too far over that, and I am supposed to. I don’t use my weekly “extra” points. Ever….and you know, they say you should. They stay it’s a lifestyle, that this is for the long term, that you can’t stick to something if you feel deprived. I get that. but I also know myself and have been on this dieting wagon on and off for….oh….god…ALL MY LIFE. They don’t encourage alcoholics to sniff empty whiskey bottles 3 weeks into their 12 step program and nor should I be allowed to let the reigns slack just yet. I will, in time. Trust that I will….and you will see it all. Because it will be amazing and it’s name, I’d wager, will be LOBSTER ROLL. Be ready for that.
Anyway, I know what you came for, so I will give up the deets…
The first week, I lost 7 lbs…I was all “wahoo!” and high on life.
The next week, I only lost 1.2 lbs and I was not so high on life anymore. I was still in the angry phase, and that, coupled with a pitiful loss, really kind of did a number on me, but I held strong…
Last week, I lost 1.8lbs., so I’m not winning any speed contests here, but at least the scale is moving in the right direction.
I’m not used to slow results. I am a crash diet, instant gratification person. We see how well that has worked for me in the past, right? I'm trying not to panic. I am trying to take one day at a time. forgive myself if, say, instead of dinner I accidentally drink 16 points worth of wine (oops.)
The important thing is that I have crossed over that mental hump. Do any of you know what I’m talking about? There is a clearly defined line in the sand for me which separates the first however many days or weeks where throwing in the towel is a red level threat alert vs. all the time after that until the goal is reached when throwing in the towel becomes no longer an option. I crossed it. That's huge.
Next up….we excercise. crap.