a penguin update & my first shellac mani

I know I left you guys hanging for a few days with that seemingly random post about the penguins. While it’s sure true that I feel for those guys, and I do think about them often, that little rant was a bit of a metaphor for how I have been feeling in my life these days…just to clear it up, you know, so you guys didn’t think I was blogging on ‘ludes or something…..

But I do love penguins. How can you not?

So yesterday I went and got my very first shellac mani in the history of ever. I know, I am tardy to the party once again. People have been raving about this for years now and I have been resistant….mainly due to time constraints (who’s got 45 minutes for a manicure these days?) and also because my inability to make a decision, coupled with my commitment phobia made it unfathomable for me to imagine wearing the same polish for 3 weeks….I mean, it takes me 20 minutes to pick a color for my regular manicure that’s going to chip in 4 days anyway, and I always end up getting some variation of “limo-scene” or “mademoiselle” ….

....snore...

Ok…going in, alls I knew was that it would involve me sticking my paws in little UV boxes…. Maybe I am not the last chick on earth to get a shellac, so let’s go over what all is involved, k?

First, you pick your color from fake nail shaped swatches instead of bottles on a spinny rack….this was neat, even though it didn’t make it any easier for me to decide. And even though I picked what was apparently the equivalent of OPI “bubble bath”. One day….one day people, I am going to get NEON ORANGE. I suck with color picking….I am le big chicken.

Ok, so then she does the filing, and, if you’ve ever had acrylics, it was a similar filing process, except without that sadistic electric filing wand torture device. She used a regular file to scruff up the whole top of my nail. I HATED that and the whole time, all I could think about was how my nails are going to be trashed, but at that point, there was no escaping, so I stuck it out…..

Blah blah blah….on went a solution that was liquidy like water and soaked in, then into the UV box…then, out came this little silver pot and a paintbrush. She took one hand out and applied this….stuff (scientific term) to each nail. I have no idea what I am talking about, but I feel like this was a very thin topping of what they would use to create gel tips…anybody know if I am right? So now I have this layer of way-thicker-than-polish stuff on, next comes 2 coats of the special “bubble bath polish” and then a sooper seekrit top coat, alternating with paws in the box…..

yes, i have a wonky pinky and yes, i know i am not wearing my rings. thanks for being so observant. do you know, if i lay my hand flat on the table, that pinky won't lay flat? and if you poke it down, it pops back up! i swear! some people think it's creepy, but it's my party trick. 

Now I’m stressing out, hating the whole experience because I am thinking I’m not going to get a good cuticle trimming or the oil or hot towel, and those are my favorite parts. It was all backwards and very weird. Once the nails were “cured” or whatever they do in that cancer cave, they were totally dry. I mean totally. Like, bang them on your keys trying to start your car while leaving like i ALWAYS do? Not a  problem. Toddler accidentally chomps on them while voraciously attacking the goldfish cracker you are holding? No sweat…..amazing. 

So, then, she wiped them off with polish remover (so bizarre) and then finished up with the things I thought I was going to miss out on, hot towel, cuticle oil, etc.which made me happy, but by then I was tense and unsure and really just wanted to get the hell out of there….

I know. I am a basket case. I see my therapist tomorrow. We should probably discuss this.

Price of a regular manicure - $8 + tip

Price of the shellac manicure - $30 + tip

Time it takes to do a regular manicure – 20 minutes + drying time

Time it takes to do a shellac manicure – 45 minutes. ish.

Verdict….I feel better about it today than I did yesterday. I am still concerned about what condition my nails will be in once they soak this concoction off….oh! That’s another thing. You can’t just take the polish off. Apparently, you have to go in and have them soak it off, just like removing fake nails….it’s basically acrylics with no tips, is what I think. So, when I have them soaked off, will I do it again? For a special occasion, sure. The shine is really incredible. The picture can't do it justice....they look like Pinterest nails (you know what I am talking about, girls)...It is the best looking manicure I have ever seen….I just keep staring at it! It would be great if you were going on a trip and wanted to be maintenance free, or for a wedding when you wanted to look extra special.

I’ll let you know how I feel in a week….I know, you're on the edge of your seats.

the penguins

At the zoo….

Do you think they are happy? Do you think they know any different? I mean, sure, some of them (all of them?) were hatched there at the zoo, so they don’t know any different, but instinctually, they have to know something is not right. It’s the ones that were captured from the wild and brought to the zoo (are there even any of those?) that I am most concerned about. Do they know? They get fed, they are kept warm….or cold…or whatever it is penguins like to be….and they are taught tricks and some lady with a whistle marches them out in groups a few times a day to dive into a pool and get applause. And fish. They look happy. But are they? Or have they just come to terms with the fact that this is how life is going to be for them now?

Source: clientsmanagement.com via MeghannIm on Pinterest

I think about the penguins at the Flamingo Hotel in Las Vegas a lot. Las Vegas is basically the exact opposite environment in which a penguin thrives, yet, there they are, waddling around outside in the scorching heat. I saw a sign up once that said not to antagonize the penguins because, due to the heat, they were molting and when they molt, they get bloated and crabby and will probably bite you. I wanted to let all of the penguins loose and then find the Penguin Manager and slap him. Of course they are crabby. They aren’t where they belong. They are trapped. For them, everything is all wrong.

I get that. Penguins are my homeboys.