the requisite thankful post...

All of the “I’m Thankful for…” dedications out here on the interwebz today are making me a little weepy. I feel like sort of a turd for not jumping on the bandwagon till now, when I am obviously writing out of peer pressure and a sense of obligation. It’s not that I’m NOT thankful….I actually believe it is quite the contrary….rather that I am so overwhelmed by all the things for which I am thankful that I’ve been rendered wordless….especially this year, now that the post partum fog has cleared enough for me to see this little life I’ve made. This life that is rarely perfect, but is uniquely mine….

Sometimes I feel like making the requisite ‘Thankful’ list on thanksgiving is a bit like it must be to have to give an Oscar speech…and try to thank everyone who helped you become a super huge mega star….in under 60 seconds. I have enough of an anxiety problem as it is….

So, that said, I am going to try and keep it simple. In fact, never one to shirk at an opportunity to make a list, I’ve already started my 2013 resolutions and Trying to Keep Things Simple is on there…..along with drinking less wine, saying fewer bad words and actually going to the gym. We’ll see how that all works out…one thing at a time….for now, it’s Thanksgiving Eve and today, my heart is full.

I am thankful for…..

My baby. They all told me it would only get better and better every day and they were right. Each morning I love him infinitely more than I did when we fell asleep the night before, snuggled & spooning. His impossibly soft, butter blond hair that I rub my nose in at every opportunity, his sweet blue eyes and his independent spirit. Because he calls me “momma”, I am the luckiest person in the entire world, forever.

My husband. Because he gets me, most of the time. And he forgives me when I am insane, which is, again, most of the time. Because he makes me laugh and he loves me. I know he loves me. That’s pretty incredible all by itself when you think about it. He’s my lobster.

Oooh…speaking of lobster…I’m definitely thankful for lobster….

For my daddy, who was the first man to love me and who showed me how BIG and consuming and wonderful love should be so that I never settled for less than that.

For my mom. Forever. The strongest, smartest, silliest, most loving, amazing person I have ever known. I would give up everything just to have one more day with her, but for the days I did have and for the blessing of having her as my soul mate, I am eternally thankful…

For my best friend Laurie, because she is my partner in crime. The other half of my heart. It’s just that simple. Forever and ever.

For Noreen, because I don’t like very many people, and I got lucky enough to live here and find you again, whom I adore, who never judges the stupid shit I do, who loves me no matter what and who I am honored to be there for, as an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on and a hand to hold. Always.

For wine, because obviously.

For xanax, when I’m not in the mood for wine….or sometimes, if I’ve had a really challenging day, when I’m in the mood for both. Don’t judge me.

For my Vegas girls, my sisters, my little sorority of strong, beautiful women that I would throw myself in front of a train for any day of the week. These girls are my therapy. We have seen each other through ups and downs, tell each other everything, we cry together, we laugh together and we spend the better part of every day sharing our lives across the miles. I do not know where I would be without them and I never want to find out.

For my love of food. I’m a little bit fat because of it, and I’m definitely not thankful for that, but I wouldn’t trade it to be one of those people who don’t find joy in everything that is food….the comfort, the memories, the pleasure.

For David Cook, because I still love him and I think I always will.

For California or Florida, because I know they will always be there waiting for me. I’m coming, I promise.

For Twitter, cuz it entertains the hell out of me on the daily….ohhhh twitter.

For Kiki La’Rue, not leastly because of my love Becka. You’ll be thankful for her too once you go get your shop on!! Do yourself a favor and grab a few Lenore Scarves….one for you, a few for gifts….and get 15% off while you’re at it. You’re welcome.

Now, go stuff your face, you little turkeys….I’ll see you on the flip side. I want read all about how you at and ate and ate till you almost puked and then ran out to narrowly avoid getting trampled by some beast at Walmart at 3 in the morning….it’s the American way. Make me proud.

Love & kisses!

it's ok....

It’s ok…

That I am procrastinating answering all the sweet comments I got trying to help me with my procrastination issues…

That I am hell bent on making thanksgiving dinner this year even if it means making my own, seperate dinner on the Saturday after thanksgiving instead…

That I am making said dinner entirely so that I have a fridge full of leftovers to make this sandwich…

That for the first time ever, I kind of want t put the Christmas tree up the day after thanksgiving. I am SO excited…and I think it’s Ben’s fault!

That I am on The Soup Diet again and bombing hardcore this time around. What dumbass thought it was a smart idea to start The frggin’ Soup Diet 4 days before her period anyway? dumb.

That I want a personal assistant just so I don't have to call and make all my appointments myself. I seriously loathe calling people on the phone.

That I used a packet of McCormick marinade last night for the chicken instead of making it from scratch and I will never go back to scratch ever again. That sodium filled disaster of certainly processed crap changed my life forever. SO good. Dammit.

To participate in more link ups than usual until I get my blogging and picture taking mojo back…

That I still have not done a post about Ben’s Halloween…actually, no. that is not ok at all….hold on to your ovaries, ladies….here’s a picture….

I know. He's perfect, right? I die.

on procrastination.

I’ll have you know I've had this document open for 2 hours with only the title on it. then I minimized the window, checked out the amazon flash sales, made a list of the things I would be serving if I were hosting Thanksgiving this year…..well, half a list, cuz I stopped after the appetizers when I got distracted remembering I needed to go to the post office, so I went there and now I am back to writing this blog post. Which I am about to minimize and return a text from my husband and an email to my best friend. BRB…

And now its 2 hours later and I’m not even making that up. I bought my best friend a birthday present and got 2 Christmas books for Ben from Hautelook, checked Facebook from my phone, spent some time with my girlfriends discussing my imaginary Thanksgiving menu. This is why I can’t get anything done. This is the root of my anxiety problem….and yet, like crack (I assume.) I cannot stop.

I mean, is it procrastination or legit ADD?

Source: bit.ly via Lauren on Pinterest

That reminds me, I was at Francesca’s Sunday getting some more stuff for my BFF’s birthday package and the two sales girls were discussing some nonsensical thing that teenagers would be discussing and the one girl, the bitchier one, actually said “legit” 3 times in the time it took the other one (who was actually doing her job) to ring me up. Three times. I wanted to punch her in the face. I kind of want to punch myself in the face right now too for ever saying “legit” again after that little display. Oof.

So anyway……

Procrastination is the reason I am still holding on to the 10 lbs I wanted to lose in high school…..and the 30 I packed on after high school….and at least half of the 50 I gained when  was pregnant (stop with the math. That’s not fun for anyone.)….

Procrastination is the reason our house still looks like a college dorm even though we've lived there for 6 years and even though I desperately want a living room that looks like a page from The Pottery Barn Catalog. Or at least a sisal rug. Jeez.

Procrastination is the reason I've only been writing one blog post a week lately. and hating myself for it. Because I miss you.

Procrastination is the reason I never got my college degree….the reason we’re struggling to pay for 2 mortgages and daycare…the reason we can’t take a family vacation.

Procrastination is the reason I haven’t seen my best friend or my daddy in 6 years.

Procrastination is the bane of my existence, my immortal enemy. It’s a disease. I want to be better, but I don’t know where to start…..and THAT is exactly the thing about procrastination, right? You don’t know where to start so instead you just minimize the window and fill your time with pointless other shit.

But it just occurred to me that “procrastination” is also The Mother of all Excuses. And you know what?

I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t have a plan, if that’s what you’re looking for. I just know that I am sick of feeling so stressed out all the time from all the loose ends hanging around all over the place…unfinished little piddly crap….or unfinished big important crap that I just never bother to complete. How annoying.

I can’t be the only one who deals with this to such a great degree….I hope I am cuz this sucks, but I can’t be, can I? I’m not looking for camaraderie and someone to come along and say “Why yes, I have big issues with procrastination too! Let’s put all our tasks on hold, sit on the couch and share this bottle of Merlot while watching The Big Bang Theory instead of tackling our to do lists! It’ll be fun!”….rather, I’m looking for somebody to share with me what they are doing to overcome it…..cuz I can’t live like this anymore.

Hey! I think my next blog post is going to be about the insanely amazing Piko Top I just got from Kiki La'Rue and the Lenore Scarf that I also got and am obsessed with. Unless  I procrastinate that too, which, if I do? Shoot me because we need to discuss.

And one more thing, this is super important.....do you guys follow Becka yet? She is the mastermind behind all things fab at Kiki La'Rue and if you didn't know, she has her very own blog now. You should follow her. She is amazing and I luff her with my whole heart.

this and that...

The Sandy 15….

That’s what I heard it called on z100 this morning. The Sandy 15….like the Freshman 15 I guess only more tragic. At least I’m not alone, at least I know that there is just something about a natural disaster that makes all self control fly right out the window and almost every last one of us dive head first into a bag of enchilada flavored Doritos…..

Oh wait….the Doritos incident was yesterday…..the storm was last Monday….what’s that you say? I have no more excuses? Omg I cannot be stopped. I am so disgusting. What is my problem? Seriously. All motivation is gone. I think the hibernation effect produced by not having electricity for 5 days combined with the time change, the cold weather and imminent long, frigid winter has turned me into the ultimate sloth….I’d like to say I’m ok with it…like hey, what’s a few bags of cheetos and a case of wine on this long road we call life? It’s winter after all! As members of the animal kingdom, it would be unnatural for us humans not to pack on a few more pounds when winter is approaching in the name of insulation….I mean won’t I be glad I wolfed down that whole melting pint of haagen dazs in one fell swoop in the event that we are struck by the next Ice Age this year….or something? Did somebody say my point is not valid because of global warming? Shut up, Al Gore. Pass me a spoon.

I lost 10 lbs on that soup diet I did a few weeks ago and I felt AWESOME the entire time….I felt like I could take on the world…energetic, healthy, positive, inspired….and then the shit hit the fan and….well…..this is a cry for help.

I can’t blame it on Sandy anymore, I have to get off my ever expanding ass, get back on the soup diet, get back in the gym (the little voice in my head says "But now? Why now?? It's almost thanksgiving for crying out loud! And Veteran's Day is in 6 days! That is traditionally a big eating holiday, no? What about Christmas????? My girl Ree will be so upset if I don't make her cinnamon rolls (and eat half a pan mysef)...") ...

Death to the little voice, I say. I feel like a turd.

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Hey!!! Does anybody know about any super fun holiday blog swaps going on this year? If you do, please leave me some suggestions in the comments! I had so much fun last year doing Raven & Lindsey's's Glitz Who Stole Christmas swap, I'd love to do some more this year! So far, I am signed up for a super fun ornament swap hosted by Erin & Jessah but I'd love to do a couple more. point me in the right direction, ladies!

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Did you vote? I did. I was out there at 6 freakin' 15 in the morning with the fate of this free nation resting squarely on my shoulders (drama.). I live in a blue state, so chances are pretty good that whether I dragged my ass out of bed with the birds this morning and went to vote or not, New York will go blue, and I'm stoked about that. Still, especially in this election where everything seems to be so running so close, I felt it was even more important than ever just to make sure my small, whispering voice was heard. There are some very important issues hanging in the balance this year folks and the candidates could not have more differing views on these issues. Go vote. But only if you're voting for my guy....KIDDING. I'm just kidding. Relax.....vote regardless. It's more important than ever.

In related news, am I the only one who feels like they have to get to the polls as early as possible in order to make their vote "count"? I know that's stupid, but my husband was all "why don't you just go vote when you get home later instead of getting up at 6am like a mental patient?" and I was all "no. what is the point of voting when half the precincts already reported and the state has already been called?"....am I right or am I right? I mean, I know i'm not technically right. even the votes that come in at 8:59pm have to count, but....oh whatever ok? I never claimed to make sense.

I would like to make one small complaint about my polling place though....no stickers?? Come on people. What's up with that? We all know the only reason I vote is to get the sticker.

thankful...

It seems apropos, in the wake of Sandy, to begin the month of November with a few words on things for which I am thankful. We are on day 5 with no power, no hot water, but we were fortunate enough to get one of the last generators at Lowe’s on Monday morning. Being able to watch the news and see the devastation this storm caused our area is sobering to say the least.

(photos by our friend Jennie of the marina where their boat was docked.)

(the house directly behind ours across the street.)

We have a roof on our house, no water damage, our gas tanks are full and everyone is safe and well. That is so much more than can be said about so many. We’ve been out to dinner at the same restaurant for the last 3 nights in a row; bellies full of hot, yummy food and cold, yummy beer don’t leave me with much to complain about when you consider how many of our neighbors are lined up right now at shelters just trying to get a hot meal.

Ben slept peacefully last night, curled up next to me, snug as a bug under 3 soft, squishy blankets….there’s a mother out there who had to sleep last night with the news that they found the bodies of her two babies that were washed away in the storm surge when she was trying to protect them by putting them on the roof of her car. The magnitude of this catastrophe is unfathomable to me as I sit safe and sound in my dark house, curled up under a blanket with my baby, reading books by candle light, eating Halloween candy and killing a bottle of Kettle with my husband because what else do you do during hurricanes but drink and eat non-perishables?

Well, you count your blessings.

Today, I am thankful.