This is going to be a very emotional month for your momma. As we count down the days to your very first birthday, I can’t stop myself from reflecting. I am pretty sure most mothers feel the same way, but this time, those feelings belong to me and my heart is heavy. I’m remembering your tiny fingernails that were triangle shaped and how you had to wear mittens for months to keep from scratching your sweet face. I look back at the pictures from the hospital and my heart physically aches seeing how red and swollen your little eyes were from the reaction to the prophylactic eye drops. I remember how my heart overflowed with love in the darkness of the morning when I would wake up from the deepest, heavily medicated sleep to the faintest sounds of your tiny cry being wheeled to my room from the nursery. Your cry was so distinct to me. I could have picked it blindly from the cries of a million newborns, without question. I had never wanted to be near someone so badly, never felt my whole body tense from the desire to jump out of my bed and RUN to you even though I knew the nurse would be there with you in an instant. That instant was too long to wait. And those moments, nursing you in the morning with the sun filtering in the window, both of us falling asleep with you in my arms, were the only moments of my life I can say that I was happy down to my soul, completely and without regard to anything else in the world.
Your twinkly stubs of eyelashes.
The way your tiny nostrils almost looked closed because of the shape of your perfect nose.
Your chubby cheeks. And, when you were finally able to open them, i found eyes as deeply blue as the deepest edge of a Caribbean ocean. The eyes of my baby.
You were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, and every day you take my breath away with your perfection.
You are sweet and gentle, smart and funny, brave and careful. Loving. You are everything I hoped you would be and a million other amazing things I never even thought to dream of.
I can’t wait to celebrate with you, my love. it will, unquestionably be the most important celebration of my life….
So get your party hat on, Monkey. Cuz momma’s about to go all out!!!
I love you, baby.