happy birthday, sweet boy....

My Dear Little Ben,

Wednesday, you turned one. I’ve been trying to write this letter to you for a week, and I have been struggling. No words seem big enough or important enough to share the page with my baby’s first birthday. I feel like all the things I have written to you in months past I want to say to you again, only this time, all at once and bigger and louder and brighter with spotlights and streamers and a brass band…

but even that doesn’t seem like nearly enough….

and all of that fanfare isn’t necessary anyway because all that really matters is said in silence…when I hold you to my chest at 3am and your tiny heart beats against mine until you slide up and fall asleep with your head on my pillow; when we watch tv together on the couch and you start to get sleepy and you gently rub my arm with your tiny, soft hands; when you crawl across the room in the middle of a game of catch, just to lay your head in my lap for a minute; when you smile at me….you have made my life worth living, little one.

The first couple of days of your life seem like yesterday, but at the same time, they seem like a million years ago. This has been both the most challenging and the BEST year of my life. You have taught me things I never even thought to wonder about, you have forced me to look at myself and take responsibility. I’m still working, every day, to be better for you and I will never stop. You deserve the best, my baby. The very best of everything in life.

On this first birthday, with your whole life ahead of you, please know that you can be ANYTHING you want to be…take the time to think long and hard at the decisions you will make and then, give those choices 100% of your commitment, your passion and your energy. Listen to your heart. Listen to your head, too, but your heart is more important. If you can’t hear what your heart is telling you, ask your momma. Be true to yourself. Be thankful, gracious and respectful. Never take for granted the many, many gifts you have been given and always remember how many other people are so much less fortunate than you are. Share your wealth with them freely. Do not judge, that’s not your job. Know that love is love, no matter who it is shared between. Support that love and nurture it at all costs because at the end of the day, love is the only thing in this life that really matters. Above all, love your mom.

My Ben…I am so proud of you, little one. You have grown so much and learned so much. I see a curiosity in your eyes and a fire in your little soul that is so amazing to me and I can’t wait to share with you all the adventures of your life.

I am overwhelmed with thankfulness for the gift that was given to me one year ago. Happy, Happy Birthday, my sweet love.

I love you with my whole heart,

Mommy