Wednesday, February 15, 2012

weight watchers: points "PLUS" they say....


I am here to tell you right now that the marketing ploy is genius, but it is a giant pile of crapola. First of all, make no mistake about it; I am not a small girl. It’s ok. I own it. What I do not want to own anymore is the baby weight and then some that I never took off due to depression/avoidance/denial/anxiety/apathy (should I go on? I could do this all day…).

Right before I got pregnant, I was the healthiest I had been in a long time…maybe ever. I was running…and excited about it! I was looking up races, setting goals, feeling inspired! The weekend after those 2 lines showed up, I was down in D.C. running a 5k with my girlfriends, looking good, feeling great, genuinely HAPPY. And then? I started spotting. And, due to my history of basically not being able to make babies stick, the doctor told me I shouldn’t run anymore. And so I didn’t. And looking back, I can pinpoint that as exactly when the depression started.

Long story short, I haven’t run since. Nor have I stopped eating. I have pretty much been chewing nonstop since May 2010. I am an embarrassment to myself and, once he realizes it, will also be to my little boy, who deserves to have a healthy, beautiful, strong mother that can run after him and pick him up and swing him around in her arms. He deserves, when I am gone, to be able to look back to his baby pictures and see photos of us together, not just photos of him and his dad because I would rather die than be photographed. Completely eliminating myself from my family's memories. Not awesome.

So, I joined weight watchers.

And so far? I hate it. (I am just being bitter and mean because I am hungry)

I hate that I have to do this. Right now, day 4, I am in the mentality of hating everything. Especially my body. I hate my thyroid for having Hashimoto’s and not working right, ever. I hate my metabolism for being a piece of shit. I hate my out of whack brain chemicals for making me depressed and anxious and unmotivated. I hate that I love food and that a glorious, steaming plate of eggs benedict makes me happier than almost anything. I hate myself for all the time I’ve lost and the (potential) happiness I sacrificed. I hate that there are other people who have it so easy. It’s not fair. There, I said it. and I know I sound like a big whiny cry baby, but I’m just hungry. And I’m going to stay hungry, until I am done with this battle, once and for all, because I am sick of thinking about it and sick of talking about it and sick of buying clothes in tiny sizes and daydreaming about how much better life will be when they fit. God, shutUP, you know?

So anyway, here I am. If you listen carefully, you can hear my stomach growling. I will, obviously, continue to bitch about update you on the process.

In other news, to make myself feel better, I bought myself a brand new duvet cover and shams for spring from The Company Store. I really love their prints, but I am not all that jazzed that most of their printed sheets have a scratchy 200TC….I’m a sheet snob, tis true. Regardless, I’m going to use this gorgeous thing with my wonderful 1000TC grey sheets I got for my birthday that I have yet to take out of their package and I could not be more excited. Do you love it?

We also got the print order from Ben’s first birthday shoot we did back in December and Oh! Muh! Gawd!!!!!! Are these photos ever amazing! I can’t wait to frame them and I really want to do up a photo wall in the house somewhere, I just need to figure out where… I THINK I am allowed to post the ones I purchased the rights to, but I am saving that for another day because they deserve their own spotlight. They are incredible.

In the meantime, join me in hanging in there? 2 ½ more days till a 3 day weekend, people!


noreenmarie said...

Hang in there, it does work! I am proof of that, although you wouldn't know it now. ;)
LOVE that duvet cover-OMG so pretty!!
And 3 day weekend?! You have off when *I* don't? That never happens! Have FUN!!! :) While I bitch about how everyone in the world has off, but me. ;) Love you! Let's count points together soon, k? ;)

Emily said...

The duvet cover is so super cute. LOVE IT!

Keep your chin up with the diet! Forming new habits and reining in bad eating habits is NO FUN at all! But it will definitely be worth it.

I did the Isagenix 30-day cleanse last year and it was great! My hubby lost about 30 pounds from the program. So there are a lot of great options out there and I know you'll feel wonderful when you start to shed the extra pounds.

Skye said...

Hey girl ... Don't be discouraged. Really ... I totally get that it is hard! If it were easy, we would all be as skinny as Giselle. LOL.

Not sure if you did the online WW - but that's where I joined - so check out the food forums & tips. Their website has soem great information on there for motivation. There are tons of tips in there. THe key is to eat stuff that fills you up.

Yeah, you can have chocolate. You can eat what you want... But does 'bad food' fill you up? NO, it just takes up lots of WW points and extra calories. If you take WW out of the picture, anything you do to lose weight requires cutting way back (unfortunately the truth!) on calories. Less calories = lose weight. So whether you do WW, Jenny Craig, Nutrisystem (does that even exist anymore??LOL) or just eat better on your own ... we all need to cut calories to lose weight. It just sucks. Bad. But the end result will be worth it. It will! It will make you feel better too! You can do it!! :)

Part of the issue I feel (for everyone) is, look at the serving sizes our society deems normal. Look when you go out to eat - Is a serving size REALLY 14 cups of pasta? Um no. Most dinners when you go out to eat can be shared amongst 5 families LOL. Society has super-sized everything and we all beleive that portions are 5x what we really should be eating. We all fall into that trap. THe hard part is scaling back to the correct portion size for what our body needs. It sucks. I will say it again LOL - but thats the unfortunate reality.

I eat a ton of fruit and raw veggies in between meals - and since it's fiber, it fills me up. I try to save up my 'splurge' points for when we go out to eat... Then I can eat what I want and not have to feel guilty. If I need some sweet stuff at night, we make a cup of hot chocolate and for us, that hits the spot!

OK now that I've written a book.... lol - I hope this helps! You can do it! I know it's hard! :) GOOD LUCK!!!!! xoxo

Andi said...

I'm one of your biggest (literally and figuritivly) fans Rach. I know you are going to do this. I can't wait for that "easy, breezy" Rachel to reappear from this momentary fog. <3 you!