Dear Neurotic Brain of Mine….chillax. The amount of people coming over tomorrow can be counted on two hands….you are not catering a Kardashian wedding or feeding an entire little league team…you do not need to make tacos, fajitas AND enchiladas too. Get a grip.
Dear Kiki La’Rue….why ya gotta have such cute stuffs?? I want everything in your shop…especially these little numbers….I sense some trouble brewing in the credit card department….
Dear NY weather….W. T. F. ??? Enough with the crappy rain, ok? I know I’m spoiled from the balmy winter, but you know me, I am never satisfied, so knock it off. Besides, all this rain is making my hair frizz up and you know how I get when my hair frizzes up….nobody needs to see that.
Dear Benjemima….so, whining is your new thang, huh? That’s cool. And by cool, I mean totally unacceptable and making mommy hit the vodka a lot more than Weight Watchers probably wants me to. Let’s rationalize here (cuz rationalization always works awesome with toddlers, yes?)....I know our commute sucks. I hate it too, but I have to drive and concentrate and you get to kick back in a squished out bucket seat and watch Finding Nemo and sometimes, I even pass you goldfish. Cranking the whining up to eardrum busting decibels is especially discouraged when mommy is exiting the HOV lane, ok? Thank you for your cooperation. Jeez.
Dear Zac Efron….We have a date next week. I am sneaking out of the house after bedtime to come see you, all by myself. Be ready, hot stuff.
Dear Daisy….I really miss you and your stinky breath. I would give just about anything to scratch you behind your sweet, soft little ears and have you bring me my dirty sock in your mouth. I love you, girl.
Dear Cuz….I’m proud of you, sister girl! I have always and will always look up to you for all the things a little sister would….your amazing sense of style, your ambition and intelligence, your beauty inside and out. we don’t talk enough, but I want you to know that I love you very, very much and I am proud to call you mine.
Dear MCA....You were a trailblazer, and a musical genius. Your rhymes were the soundtrack of my youth. The sound you gifted to us all will be missed, without compare. F*CK YOU cancer. Seriously, F*CK YOU.
and last, but not least....
Dear Cinco de Mayo.....let's do this.