Did I whine about this already? I’m pretty sure I did….but I just can’t shake it. it’s been unseasonably warm here, but like an ungrateful little brat, that’s not enough for me….i need 80 degrees, brilliant sunshine and tradewinds…and it’s not just about the weather either. It’s about the clutter. And the dust. And the piles of mail on my kitchen counter taking up valuable space and the coffee table in the living room that is always just a few degrees askew and drives me totally batshit and then when I think I have it perfectly straight, the couches look crooked and the vicious cycle begins again.
My theeeeeeeeerapist told me when I am feeling this way, my assignment is to stop and ask myself “what do you need? What do you want?”…
So…
To that, I say, I don’t know. I want to say I just need to whine about it, but that has never solved anything and just sort of keeps my angst company. Do vacations help most people? Because I usually come back from them more depressed than when I left, having tasted the good life and then getting it snatched so rudely away from me just as I was getting all comfy and settling in on a floaty in a lazy river with a giant margarita. Do I need a cleaning lady? It’s nice to have a clean house. When I came home to a clean house for my birthday, it honestly was the happiest I had felt in a long time….but it got dusty and cluttered again pretty quickly. too quickly to justify what it probably cost. And maintaining it with a crazy toddler, a full time job and a 2 hour daily commute just isn’t all that feasible. Do I need 4 hours a week at the gym? Yes. Yes I absolutely do. But sacrificing what few, precious hours I have to spend with my boy just to work out is not something I feel okay with. And that’s not an excuse to avoid going to the gym either, because I want to go there, but I want to be with my boy more. I mean, he hardly sees me as it is...aaaaaand cue mommy guilt….
As they say on House Hunters, I guess I have some thinking to do…
I can turn any topic into a rant, see? Wind me up and watch me go.
Anyway, I guess I just wanted to swing by and say January blows, balmy weather or not. I need sun on my face, a BBQ on the deck, a day on the north fork at the wineries, a tan. I need something on the horizon to daydream about…
Am I the only one feeling this way right now? I mean, blech!
Speaking of BLECH….Courtney last night on The Bachelor. Seriously. If he doesn’t get rid of her soon, I am going to have to stop watching. I mean it. I was getting irrationally pissed off last night. I wanted to reach my hand through my tv and smack that twitchy mouth thing she does right off her face. Sorry. that’s ugly, but it’s how I feel.
Ok then….rainbows and puppies…
5 comments:
There are way too many things about this post that ring true for me. Love you.
While I agree with you, and your therapist to some degree, nothing, NOTHING, beats a good whine/wine.
I also notice my anxiety intensifies when I'm surrounded by clutter. Sadly, that doesn't usually kick me in to full OCD mode. If I can get one room de-cluttered, or at least an organized clutter, I tend to feel better.
I'm with you on the weather thing. I don't really care if it's "relatively warm" or "colder elsewhere so you shouldn't complain." When I need sun and heat....I *need* sun and heat.
I figure that I pay the big bucks to live in warm places {like SoCal or Sydney} and, therefore, the weather must hold up it's end of the bargain.
And I type this, the weather forecast for Sydney is rain ALL week. Where the F@*# is summer?!?!
If I didn't have my annual trip to Key West to look forward to, I'd feel exactly the same. It may only be 4 days/3 nights, but I NEED it. Even though this winter has been so mild, I completely understand. And I also can't wait to fake bake starting Saturday. So bad but feels so good and really DOES help with the winter blahs.
Although the wineries are definitely not the same in the Winter as over the Summer, it actually is quite enjoyable, as they are definitely not as crowded. Martha Clara has great live music with lots of tables-You can pack a feast to bring. Let's do it! :)
Listen. I am with you 100% about the January thing. I *HATE* the cold. Hate it. Yeh everyone is like "Oh, it's so nice out" (Hello it's 45, that is not nice people!!) - We can not wait to move south. I need warmth, not snow & ice and maybe a 50 degree teaser day thrown in every month. haha. I feel your pain completely!
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