31 days of thankful, days 1-5

1.

 I am thankful for my little boy, my miracle baby of superman strength who fought to be mine against all odds and who is, without question, the reason I was born. I am thankful for him with an immensity that defies words. He is every beat of my heart and I am brought to my knees with humility that I am lucky enough to call him mine.

2.

 I am thankful for my husband, my partner in crime, who makes me laugh, and makes me think and holds me up when I am completely unable to hold myself, and who, for whatever unknown reason, continues to love me through my insanity, and depression, and thanklessness and self pity. He still loves me. and when we dance in the kitchen and he looks down at me, ragged and broken with unplucked eyebrows and disheveled hair, and gives me a kiss and calls me his bear, and looks at me with hearts in his eyes, I cry, because he deserves so much better than me, but also because I am so thankful that he decides every day that it’s me he wants to dance with in the kitchen.

3. 

 I am thankful for every single second of the 32 years I was blessed enough to spend on this earth with my mom. She was the love of my heart and the yin to my yang and I will never feel whole again, but in a strange way, I am ok with that because that missing piece of me is just her shape and size (which would be tiny and perfect with curly hair and the most perfect nose you’ve ever seen) and, like a tattoo, I wear it with pride that she was mine. She was my whole world.

4.

I am thankful for my daddy. I wish he wasn’t so sad. I wish there was something I could do to save him and make him happy again, take away his troubles and make him feel some light. It breaks my heart deeper than anything. I wish he knew how very much I love him and I wish that simply knowing that would make him happy again.

5.

I am thankful for my best friend. I am so lucky that I was given a sister, so beautiful and selfless, generous and loving, who has stood by my side for all of this time. and I am so thankful that she married such a good man, who loves her with all of his heart and who can hug her for me when I am too far away to do it myself, even if he leaves his underpants in the bathroom sink.