you know that saying "i'll sleep when i'm dead"? last night i found myself lying there at approximately 3:17, eyes wide open, being crawled on and snorted at, having my hair pulled, tiny elbow to my jugular, thinking to myself how sweet it will actually be to sleep when i am dead. i don't want to say i was praying for death cuz that's all super dramatic and morose and i don't want people getting all freaked out and calling the suicide prevention hotline on me, but laying there like a zombie with my kid wide awake, climbing on my FACE, i'd be lying if i didn't admit that for a few fleeting moments, that the sleep that will come once i am dead didn't sound like...well....a dream.
and i love my boy. i love him so much that i still smile a huge, genuine smile that i can feel right down to the center of my soul once the sun comes up enough for me to actually see his goofy face beaming at me, wide eyed and bushy tailed, but i am tired. so tired. and truthfully, i don't understand. i expected the first 3 months to be rough and sleepless. hell, i'd even have given it 6....but 11? i mean, is something wrong with him? because i talked to his doctor and she didn't seem concerned, but i am. i can't live like this. i know he just got shots, and i know he has a cold, but this was going on for weeks before any of that....in fact, he has only slept through the night for one 3 week stretch in his entire life and people? i'm scared.
please tell me it's going to get better.
hi mommy! this picture has nothing to do with me not sleeping but i’m really cute huh?
cute enough to make up for the fact that i am an 11 month old insomniac?
no, my child. i’m sorry, but no.