Wayyyy back when I was waffling on the fence over whether or not I (we) really wanted to have a baby, I used to do a lot of “if I got pregnant this month, baby would be born in….1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9….APRIL! Yes! Yes! An April baby!! Perfect perfect! .complete with big red “X”s on the calendar telling me when we needed to…uh…yeah, ok. I’m not going to go explaining the birds & the bees right now, but you get the idea…
So there, I was, plotting this all out in my imagination because, you know, these things are totally in my control, right? duh. And also because having a baby is this perfectly precious, incredible thing where nothing ever goes wrong or is hard and all of the whole experience is, like, drenched in spun pink sugar, flecks of glitter and rainbows, so obvs just deciding when I wanted this angel baby’s birthday to be was going to be the most difficult part of the whole process….the rest?? piece of cake.
So I decided I wanted this baby to share a birthday with my momma.
Out of the 365 days in the year, no other day made sense to me. It was as good as done in my mind, and when I plotted all the coordinates and realized that according to x, y & z, it was actually completely possible to get my due date within a few days, well shit. Done and DONE, right?
So, 5 miscarriages, a lot of tears, more fence riding, hemming and hawing, all my hard work be damned, ultimately just deciding to throw in the towel on the whole plan and then, suddenly, along came my Bennett….
Not on June 28th . Imagine that.
So there I am, 8 months huge, talking to the doc about scheduling my c-section and she tells me they have the OR on Tuesdays and will be scheduling me the Tuesday before my official due date of New Years Eve….I think nothing of this, mostly because I am paralyzed by utter fear and the HOLY SHIT reality of it all….It wasn’t until I was snuggling my tiny nugget of puffy eyes and sweet newborn skin, feeling terribly guilty that he has such a difficult birthday to celebrate, pondering throwing “half birthday” parties for him so he and his friends can go in the pool (putting the cart before the horse a bit? Me? never.) when I went back to counting….January, February, March, April, May, JUNE!!!! June!!!!!!!!!!! June 28th.
Serendipity, in it’s sweetest, most pure form….
So today, on this very, very special day, I say Happy Birthday to the most amazing momma the world ever was blessed to know…I was not worthy of you. I am lucky beyond all compare to have called you mine. You were the very first Love of my Life. And I also say Happy Half Birthday to my sweet Bennett. Little Boy, you have no idea how much your Grandma would have loved you. You would have been the light of her life….more than I was. More than anything.
What a special day….nothing but hearts flying out of my eyes over here….celebrate with us!